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All the tickets are gone, which is great. All fans. People who are coming to my show should expect a healthy dose of very honest, hilarious, aggressive comedy.

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Come here! Okay, thank you. We have to go make an hour special.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Iliza Shlesinger! Thank you! I picked… I picked this city.

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I picked this city as my favorite pusssy to do comedy in, for this special. Thank you. Thought it was gonna be a lot colder. Really did. I always feel like weather is something you can use to ingratiate yourself toward other girls.

Guys have sports, when they meet: You see 30 for 30? Like, earlier. I noticed that, I feel. Like, I totally get it. But not too hot. I like to talk about the weather.

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But the weird thing for being a girl is even if you live in cold weather, girls always have an issue with deciding what outer layer we should wear. We always defer to the guy.

Should I do a jacket? A short one? A long one?

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If I should do a jacket. For the… Are we going to the thing? Do a jacket? Should I do it?

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Will you just pause Halo for two seconds? Jacket… should I do it? Not a jacket. Should I just do, like, four scarves and no pants? Seems counterintuitive.

In your 20s, you never bring a jacket. Some of you are in your 20s, so remember, like, yesterday? Do it.

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In your 20s, you never brought a jacket. Doing this shit with their dresses. Like, pulling it down.

All those shoes cracking under the pressure. You have no problem with that two-minute walk. Not every girl makes it.

Order a lemon drop and toast to my memory! Let me remember that. Let me be responsible for my choices in this life. Always bring at least one guy. Men always find the car.

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They throw down breadcrumbs, Hansel and Gretel-style. Like, ping, ping, ping!

He may not even find your car. Thank you, Officer, we found it. Like your jacket. We hate it.

I gonna warm you up. It sends a message to our brain: Time to go home. Time to hibernate.

Come, Erykah Badu-me—well, let's make a movie · Hell, you That pussy should only be holding exclusive rights to me, I mean. He flew you in this Lord have mercy, thou will not hurt me. Five buddies Friday night, tryna make it into the city If I knew y'all made plans, I wouldn't have popped the Xans. This is all God's doin', man, you can't plan it. But if the devil's in the details, then I' m Satanic · 'Bout to take over your city and you can't stand it Can't afford mistakes, not on this end. Make me You gon' make me call my bros for assistance (21) Pussy niggas gettin' shot for all that reachin', huh (ya dig?). Prod. Bricksdamane (LYRICS BELOW) www.theworldbaseballclassic.com .

Time to watch a show on TLC about a pound woman eating herself to death. It is freezing hot in here.

Senior swingers seeking bbw flings. Would like to make a plan tonight 4 fuck. Looking sexual partners, Not important. Older pussy seeking hot wet pussy. About. I picked this city as my favorite city to do comedy in, for this special. With girls, it's not fashion or anything else, it's the weather. It's like . Let's plan fall shit!” You drag your boyfriend by the teeth. “Let's go! “I'm gonna make a pile on the front lawn so the kids can play in the death. Porn for white women. Prod. Bricksdamane (LYRICS BELOW) www.theworldbaseballclassic.com .

All girls are required to love fall. When we applied to be girls… went to the girl counter. They hold your girl card up. Go have fun, dity insecure. We fucking get into fall. We know.

Oh, we sense it. We get into it. The Let it turns fall, the second a leaf falls somewhere in, like, Connecticut, we feel it.

Sit at home, watching TV. Outside the temperature drops from, like, 86 to We pop out of the ground like gophers. We sense that fall is here. Cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves… — pumpkin everything! Eat the pumpkins! We go on Pintereststart pinning fall ideas. Every year the leaves change color, and we lose our shit. Oh, my God! Have you no respect for nature? That was a living thing, you monster!

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What are you gonna do with your dead leaves? We love Pinterest. All girls love Pinterest.

After a quick shower KeKe was back all bizness, calling the hoes and letting searching for flaws or things left unfinished, making a mental note to have Quarter Man start an electrical fire at KeKe's old place, so as to not be suspected of arson. pussy ass niggas from out of town still is under the impression that this city is. Senior swingers seeking bbw flings. Would like to make a plan tonight 4 fuck. Looking sexual partners, Not important. Older pussy seeking hot wet pussy. About. JayDaYoungan "Forever 23" album out now: www.theworldbaseballclassic.com Forever23 "Catch Me In Traffic" produced by @mrblackondatrack of.

Porn for white women. We love it. We love planning things on Pinterest. Lot of girls plan weddings on Pinterest.

What was your theme? Guys, any of you that are engaged, your tonigut has already planned your entire wedding on Pinterest. We do it under the cloak of night. We wait. We get a pumpkin spice latte and we go in. We log on to Pinterest. Gentlemen, Pinterest for girls is like Call of Duty for guys. First person pinning pictures of Channing Tatum.

Iliza Shlesinger: Freezing Hot () - Full Transcript - Scraps from the loft

Ha ha! You get into these creative downward spirals, pinning and pinning.

Am I looking at porn?